"How Are You Doing?"

Since the title of this blog is "Ask Don Hill Anything," I feel obligated to answer all questions put to me the best I can.

One question I've had asked of me quite a bit lately is "How are you doing - are you OK?"

The reason people ask me that, if you're not aware, is that my extended family recently experienced a tragic and untimely loss of one of its younger members. I won't go into the heartbreaking details, but needless to say it has had quite an emotional impact on everyone in our family.

It's not uncommon these days for such a thing to happen, and we're often reminded of our own mortality every time we look at a newspaper or watch the evening news. But when it hits so close to home it wears a completely different face. It's sort of like getting sucker-punched in the solar plexus - totally unexpected and world-changing.

It knocks the wind out of you. Your mind struggles to deal with the reality of it and to digest how your overall perception of reality has suddenly changed because of this event. At the same time, your heart is torn in so many directions as you begin to understand the impact such a thing has on so many others who you love and care for.

If you've never experienced such an event in your life, it's almost impossible to describe. There is an overwhelming sense of numbness, coupled with a vague realization that life will not be the same from that point forward. Your mind tends to wander, touching on memories that you thought you had forgotten long ago, but now as fresh as the day they were made.

And as is the case with all wounds, the healing process begins.

The gathering of the extended family for the funeral services played a huge part in the process of putting things in perspective. There were many family members present who had experienced a "falling out" with other family members, angry and "not on speaking terms" because of some long-ago disagreement or perceived wrong between them. Many of the family members present had not seen each other for many years, having all gone their separate ways.

But there everyone was, gathered together for a single purpose - to mourn the loss of one of our own, so untimely and so senselessly. It was as if each person in the entire gathering had this single event to use as an anchor point, which they could compare to everything else in their lives - better or worse - and make up their own minds about how this would affect them. And most importantly, how to move forward in their own individual lives.

I should mention that before departing to attend the services (a 3-hour drive), I was told by a few close friends that they would remember us and our family in their prayers. That goes a great distance towards explaining what I saw take place - which was really quite unexpected - especially if you know my extended family as well as I do.

It was as if the petty arguments that everyone had previously had with one another were not only forgiven, but forgotten as well. Everyone started communicating and becoming a family again - something that hadn't taken place for a good number of years. Old acquaintances were renewed, and new ones were made. (New spouses, new children, new jobs, new lives since last we met.)

And tragic though the circumstances may have been which brought us all together at that place and time, I can't help but believe that in spite of all of the sorrow and grief there was a tremendous positive force that moved through everyone, and that we had each experienced the presence of a loving God that reached out to heal those who were hurting the most - through the people they love the most.

If my reference to God makes you uncomfortable, that's not my intent. Feel free to substitute whatever name you choose to address the universal and omnipotent entity which is responsible for both the creation and maintenance of the universe. Whatever - or whoever - you wish to call it, it was present there on that day we said our farewells to a troubled young man who found life too overwhelming to face anymore. I watched as it moved people that were apart together again, bound by that sometimes very thin thread called "family."

We talked with one another, we remembered happy and sad times together, we laughed together, and of course we also cried together. Bottom line - we shared ourselves with each other once again, and each of us left with the realization that we are still collectively a family, and how foolish it can be to allow petty disagreements to destroy that.

More laughing, crying, and lots of hugging each other (even from some of the more "macho" type men who often scoff at such open show of affection). And then we all departed to our respective little corners of the universe, to resume our lives, feeling not only a loss, but some gain as well.

So that's a pretty long answer to a fairly simple question, "How are you doing?"

But I didn't think the short answer, "I'm doing fine, and better every day" would really tell the full story. Like I said in my first post on this blog, sometimes answers bring up more questions. But those are answers better left for another day. For now, I'll continue to accept the answers I've found, and will rely on my faith to provide still more, as it has many times so far in my life.

My profoundest thanks to those of you who offered your support though this whole experience. It has had more effect than you may realize - I honestly felt your presence there, and you have our heartfelt gratitude for that.

And thanks for bearing with me as I write about this, but it was something that I felt moved to share. That's what friends do, and I realize that I have many more friends than I thought I did just a very short time ago.

Footnote: The cycle of life continues! We were just informed by our son that we are going to become grandparents again in September (this will be our 4th)!

Life is a wild ride! There are "ups" that are worth riding thru the "downs" to get to. Just hang on and enjoy the ride while it lasts - it'll be over soon enough, and there's lots to do between now and then!

My next post should be in a much lighter vein, and maybe just a tiny bit more business-oriented.

See you next time!